Relationship anger and frustration: how to control them

 

A relationship can be broken or saved by how they deal with anger. Do not settle for shouting matches and closing doors. This article is a guide for therapists to help you communicate your anger effectively in your relationship Anger is a normal emotion and is natural. It can be expressed in all relationships, even if not directed at the person being expressed. Anger can often manifest itself in relationships with people we love most, even romantic partners. Passion in a relationship doesn't have to mean anger is uncontrollable. It is important to learn how to manage anger and respond to your partner when you are angry. This skill can help promote intimacy and maturity within a romantic relationship. My clients always ask us How to control my anger in my relationship and often have to reflect on how their reactions in a relationship can hinder their ability to be the partner they desire. We often react to anger by trying to control or shut down our partner, complaining to friends, and/or blaming them. These strategies can be helpful in the short-term, but they don't work long-term. Let's look at four simple strategies to manage anger and grow maturity in your relationships.

Don't Give In to the Need to Cut

Sometimes, a person may want to shut down their partner or fight with them. While it can temporarily calm you down, being silent will likely increase your partner's anger or anxiety. You don't have to solve the problem right away. Instead of running off or walking away, tells your partner you need to take some time to think and relax. Tell your partner that you are trying to resolve differences and to take the time to think about what is a reasonable amount of time to return to them. You may have experienced anxiety if your partner is prone to giving you the silent treatment if you forget an anniversary or skip dinner with their parents. While you cannot force your partner to talk to you, you can show them that you are open to sharing your thoughts and working together when it's convenient. It is possible to make them cut off by trying to coerce them or threaten to do so.

 

Focus on You (And Not Your Partner)

We often feel the need to soothe and comfort someone we love when they are angry. We can't control the thoughts, behavior, or emotions of anyone. We are only responsible for managing our own. Calming down is more effective than trying calm someone else. People who are able to focus on their own anxiety and reactions can give space for the other person to do the same. Instead of saying "Please calm down!" take a few deep breathes and slow your heart rate.

Are you worried about anxiety and stress?

To find out if you might benefit from additional diagnosis or treatment, take one of our 2-minute mental-health quizzes. If you are angry at your partner and want them change their behavior, it is likely that your attempts to control them will result in a negative reaction. It is important to communicate your thoughts with the hope of being heard and not to shame another person. It's unlikely you'll be heard if you and your actions are triggering fear in your partner's brain. In relationships, immaturity breeds immaturity. Although it might seem necessary to send your partner a rude text while they are at work, or to wake them up in middle of the night with your grievances and complaints, these tactics rarely achieve more than escalate a conflict.

Be aware of Triangles

It can be therapeutic to vent your anger to a friend, a child or your therapist if you are angry or frustrated at your partner. An emotional triangle is a way to help manage stress. It is normal to want to vent and it is perfectly acceptable. Sometimes, however, this "triangling," can prevent us from resolving the original problem. It can also leave your partner feeling more isolated or defensive. When you are angry with your spouse and feel compelled to call them, think about whether you are asking for help or looking for someone to listen. If the former, you might try to calm down before calling someone else. While it is fine to share your relationship conflicts with your therapist, they should be neutral and assist you in your thinking. They shouldn't make you feel like your partner is the bad guy.

Get Past the Problems

There are some topics that are more likely to cause anger or anxiety in people, and this can lead to conflict. These topics include money, religion, sex and family drama. While it is easy to believe that different opinions can lead to anger and conflict, more often than not, these are our immature reactions to these topics. Instead of getting caught up in resolving conflicts as fast as possible, focus on responding maturely. You don't have to accept abuse and volatility from your partner or stay with them. It is simply about not letting your emotions run the show. It's asking the question, "What is my best self doing in this situation?" You won't see your best self screaming at people you love or slamming doors.

Remind yourself that half of your relationship is made up of you. Your relationship will become calmer, more mature, if you are calmer and better at managing your emotions. You might see your partner mature and reach the same level, or you may realize that this relationship is not right for you. You're refusing to let anger rule the show. If one person is able to make that decision for them, it's likely that they will find a partner who can.